Soul Searched

My soul is instinctive
My energy is a catalyst
My gift is nurturing
This is why I have a green thumb
This is why under my care wounds heal
And why my food brings comfort and bliss
Why men in my life move on from a static sense of being to greater things when around me
Why my projects have a sense of closure and completion
Why I keep moving and changing
Even if I don't want to
I thought it was a lesson to be learned,
It is just the way it is. Change.

Thunderstorms and Moonlight

Hold me close and soothe my restless soul
echoed in the thunderstorms from a distance
Let your heart's gentle murmur slow down my
frantic heartbeat till it matches your rhythm

And when night falls, bathe me in moonlight,
drown me with sweet words
Fullfill my innermost desire to belong
and surrender as a woman

That I may, for a short moment,
remember the rush of passion - so many
times forgotten
Because of the fear life changes have brought
at my doorstep, begging and demanding for attention

That I may for a short moment, remember what
true love is all about and what things in life are
worth fighting for
Hold me, and let your warmth protect me,
if only for a short moment ...

December 25, 2002
On the plane, enroute to LA
Reading Mark's email about finding a man
more intriguing than him ...
And letting go of Peter ...

The Day After

With the passing of seasons,
pain recedes into a mild throb
that grows fainter each day

Yet you don't know when it wil fade
until reality hits you - on a corner street,
on a casual encounter, on a meaningless question thrown
oh so innocently.

But it does
with each encounter, the heart stills and returns to its
familiar rhythm

November 2002,
Lunch with Anna at Sentro
The Day After (for her)

June 27 2009

Today was the day I came face to face with the little sucker that has been hiding behind my nipple - silent, still. The ultrasound and the added series of mammograms showed a small cyst behind my nipple, less than a cm in size judging from the way the nurse measured it from the xray film. I won't have the final result of the biopsy (which meant that it wasn't just an ordinary cyst) till 3 days later but I will mark today in this lifetime because this is the first time that I felt a deep existential uncertainty about my mortality - though death is something I have mulled philosophically countless times on those lengthy car drives. Yet, I know that from another perspective there are bigger things happening around me:

1. The world is in the worst recession ever and everyone predicts it's gonna get worse in the next 3 years or so. People are losing their jobs, their homes and their lives out of desperation.

2. Iran is in turmoil - protests escalating because of fraudulent election results.

3. Lunch on korean BBQ, OB beer and several pickled salads with Rosalinda as well as my first taste of concentrated peach tea as a palate cleanser. In my favorite resto - Hwaro. Yesterday it was rose black tea.

4. Verdict and follow up was wrapped up in 2 hours - yet its effect on my life could be very big.

5. Is it a wake up call or a farewell sign? Either way I am comfortable, just drug me.

6. I feel a bit cheated, somehow.

7. I couldn't reach my sister while I was emo - 3 tries and that's it.

8. The first one who knew about it was Rosalinda, next was Bing, 3rd was Eleanor.

9. Farrah Fawcett & Michael Jackson died this week. Thriller was playing on the radio while they were doing my Biopsy.

10. Dr. Tran did my biopsy. He's my Doctor Dread, for sure.

11. I went to work and clocked in. Life goes on.

Lonesome

Solitude is not loneliness ....

It is the option to stand apart from the noise in order to listen to the essence of our being...

Paris Interlude

A light wind whistles
Fallen leaves rustle on cobblestones
In mini whirlpools
The car engine comes to life
And grows fainter, taking him away
from the street corner

Leaves faint steps echoing on the cobblestones of Rue Mesnil
For a minute street lamps swim like koi in tears
Its almost day break.

Footsteps turn to Place de Victor Hugo
Tempted by the espresso and a bite of the pain au chocolat
Perhaps a cigarette to nip the chill?

Smoke fills the just emptied heart and
clear eyes watch buds unfold kissed by drops of moisture
Last night’s goodbye kiss all but forgotten..

A Shanghai Memory

Zhou Zhang Bridge

Shanghai's outskirts feature interesting turns and gardens that change color with the seasons.

Unspoilt Boracay Circa 2000

Focus on the Flipside (Pinoy) - Puka Beach in Boracay

Away from the 3km of fine white sand where the action happens, here is one secluded cove that segues to another - winds are stronger, waves are higher but it is basically unspoilt (until the campsite is opened), a short hike and a bike ride away. After all the island can be traversed end to end in less than an hour.

Paris Corners

A corner near Place des Vogue


Parisiennes have a flair for making corner streets very charming and interesting. From the charming and well lit brasserie that face the charming fountain in Place de Victor Hugo, to the cafes that litter the various rotondas, and flower shops that make passers-by linger to catch the scents emanating from the blossoms before crossing the street. What could be more ethereal at 7 in the morning than sipping a strong cup of espresso on a table outside the Trocadero cafe while gazing at the Tour Effeil.

Cyber Romances

Sun's still up but a slight chill starts to nip at limbs scorched midday. Today's highlight focuses on lethargy. A feeling caused by ovrexertion in order to improve one's game of tennis and a lazy afternoon. The lack of sleep brought about by recurrent bad dreams that somehow wake you up at an ungodly hour and leave you feeling a wee bit uncomfortable after the horror leaves you and realization that it was but a dream sets in. And, the preoccupation with connecting with another lost soul at the edge of a network alive with faceless beings whose thoughts, tasks, and cyber pursuits feed the pulse of this otherworld....